In Relationships

Why Am I Still Single?

Why am I single? If you are asking a question like that, chances are you are not single by choice. It doesn’t matter whether you’re single because you have never been in a serious relationship or are getting out of a bad one. Regardless, you are wishing you were in one.

Clearly, some people aren’t in a relationship because they choose not to be. Maybe they’re tired of a relationship rat race and simply want to deal with life as a single person. There’s nothing wrong with this, and there are even advantages. On the other hand, it is difficult to do things either by yourself or with others while others are couples. The point of this article is not to stereotype anyone. Instead, it is to propose some answers as well as some realistic solutions.

Why Am I Still Single?

One of the biggest problems facing anyone who is single, whether they choose to be or not, is to feel like providing answers to those who ask, “Why are you still single?” Many people ask this question to someone who is past what would normally be considered the “marriageable” age, whatever that might be. In a way, it is a very insensitive question, but one that is asked frequently.

Many well-meaning people will tell you to defend yourself when faced with this issue. The truth is, however, why should you? First of all, this is nobody’s business, well-meaning or not. Secondly, there are a lot of reasons that someone would be single and not mind being so. Perhaps you have been hurt in a relationship and just don’t care to be hurt again. Perhaps also you were raised by difficult parents and you are suspicious of others. The reasons are personal, circumstantial, and unlimited.

Unhealthy Relationships

Have you ever been attracted to someone who you just knew was not good for you, whether they be a particular type of personality or a specific individual? Avoiding these types of people shouldn’t be a problem and there should be no reason to explain your avoidance to anyone. Instead of allowing anyone to convince you that this is a problem with you, take heart. It is not. Instead, it’s healthy to realize that there is a problem and avoid it.

Fearing Intimacy

Is your vision of a relationship different from that of another? Perhaps this is manifesting itself as fear, which might be rational or very irrational. Only you can make that decision, and until you do, until you come to an answer that is satisfactory in your own mind–and heart–being single isn’t half bad. The truth is that some people can only tolerate a certain amount of closeness, and if your potential partner isn’t compatible with you on this level, it’s not a good fit for you anyway.


We all know certain people who are just too picky for their own good. And it’s okay. Let them live in their fantasy world of princes, princesses, unicorns, and other accessories of their dreams. And if you are one of them, you are in for a big letdown. Translation: Nobody is perfect. In fact–take a breath–neither are you.

Part of the fun of a good relationship is not that someone is perfect, but that your differences compliment each other. This is how you create growing room for one another. Don’t, on the other hand, feel like you are “settling” for someone just to get past your singleness. When you open yourself up to someone else and trust them, you will find yourself with someone who will make you happy.

Low Self-Esteem

Who are you? No, really. Who are you? What is it about you that would make you the perfect person for someone else? It’s a fair question, especially when you consider that many people don’t believe that they are worth someone else’s love. This is what happens when what many psychologists call the “chatterbox” takes over. The chatterbox is, of course, that inner voice that tells you that you aren’t worth what someone else has to offer in a relationship. The trouble, however, is not the chatterbox, since that will always be there. The trouble is that we so often listen to the chatterbox, and even worse, we take its criticism seriously. What do you do?

Turn it off. It might sound simple to the point of being silly, but it’s true. Simply turn it off. If you have a chatterbox that is refusing to be silenced, the best anti-chatterbox device ever created is a simple device known as a bathroom mirror. It’s true. Whenever you find yourself being defeated by the chatterbox, go to your bathroom mirror (don’t do this in public since they might call the authorities) and tell yourself that you are worth the trouble. You are a good human being. You are entitled to a healthy, meaningful relationship. And if this doesn’t work, get dressed up, maybe even take in dinner with a supportive friend, then try it again. Chances are good that you will have a totally different perspective on yourself when you look at that mirror again.

Fear of Competition

Whether you are male or female, old or young, broke or rich, chances are you have noticed a little competition out there when it comes to relationships. It’s sad but true. Why is it that getting into a relationship is like trying to win a beauty contest? If you think about it, it’s true. We all know the “prizes” in this competition, the most handsome guy or the most beautiful girl at the party. The one who wins the prize gets the attention. But did you ever wonder if those prizes were really worth the competition? If you think they are, make sure you make plans to attend your high school reunion. After you see that the class “BMOC” is really not all that cool anymore, or the homecoming queen is on her fourth husband, you will probably be glad you opted out of the race. Find someone, instead, who is worth your time on a real level.

Out of the Rut

It’s been said that the difference between a rut and a grave is that a rut is just a grave with the ends knocked out. Unfortunately, it’s true. Is there a chance that the reason you are single is that you have gotten yourself in a rut that won’t allow you to meet someone fantastic? If you are a single lady, and you find yourself spending every Friday and Saturday evening with your girlfriends, it’s little wonder that you haven’t found someone. If you’re a guy who spends evenings in bars, hooking up with one-night stands, it should come as no surprise that you haven’t found your ideal mate. Did you ever consider looking for someone in places where people of the type you are looking for spend their time? Give it a try and you will be surprised.

Don’t spend your evenings at home watching the late show and wonder why you are single. Go out. Find a nice place where there are nice people. Try volunteering. Go to church. Ask someone you know and trust if they have a nice single friend who they know is looking for a friend. Wherever there are nice people, you stand a chance of running into someone great.

Breaking the Rules, Enjoying the Benefits

Have you ever found yourself being sick and tired of being sick and tired? What did you do to solve the problem? You probably went to a doctor, started an exercise program, and did whatever you could do to change whatever it was that got you into the situation you found yourself in. The good news is that whatever situation you are in, whether you want to feel better or want to not be single anymore, all it takes is the desire to change your situation and the initiative to change it, and you are well on your way to a whole new life.

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