As soon as you are born, this life puts you in an imperceptible box. In which you spend your entire life. This box is then carefully bounded by lines and borders; and finally you are slowly stapled with labels. From the day you open your eyes till the last breath – you are distributed into categories.
A bully is created in one of these invisible boxes. No one is a born bully – it is something that has been accumulated over the years and has become a part of their individuality. However, the truth still remains that no characteristic is constant forever, and the will to change comes through unforeseen circumstances.
Before we go into the psychological aspects of why a bully bullies, lets understand the bottom line – a bully bullies because they can. They feel they have the power to do so; the constant need to show their power and intimidate others with fear and receive appreciation in return – is what drives people to reach the extent of becoming bullies.
Some don’t even realize, that they are wrong or that it is not nice to be a bully – It is just something that makes them feel in control. Bullies inherently do not understand the dynamics of what bullying actually is. Time proves to them that what they were yesterday – comes straight to hound them tomorrow.
Bully is one of the most deadly of infections that can spread through any society or cult. The assumption that you are better than someone, the ‘superior feeling’ – is what gets a bully going.
Take the easiest example – a nerd who is not popular, gets his head stuck in the toilet every now and then, the Jock who does that to him proudly exhibits to his friend – This is an everyday coming of age story that has been covered by books, shows, movies even plays.
10 years down the line – The Jock who finally has gotten through high school, somehow manages through college and is now searching for work and the nerd has gone to establish his own startup; suffice to say, that when they meet – the nerd, knowing fully that he is in a place of need decides to take advantage and make the jock feels absolutely useless.
Understand that both the individuals are the same person they were years ago. Just because the circumstances changed – the bullied was transformed into a bully.
Now imagine if that nerd 10 years hence, hadn’t kept a grudge, shrugged his shoulders when he saw the Jock’s CV and evaluated it without any hatred or predisposition; What if he was actually was amused at seeing his age old classmate and nemesis on his doorstep, in turn welcomed him with grace and interviewed him with utmost clarity and fairness. – But are humans ever in the state to forgive?
Stages of Bullying
A little teasing here, a little comment there – Makes you in the starting stages of a bully. Yes, it might be fun to take ‘someone’s case’ and just because they let you, doesn’t mean they are enjoying it. Before you say any word, retrospect and see if you would like the same joke on you. If you cannot laugh at yourself, then don’t laugh at someone else. Spreading rumors and finding that to be the best job that you have done today, think twice.
Most of the bullies are not well equipped with taking a joke on themselves. But just because of their stature, money or status etc. they believe that they have the authority to stay so. Most of their targets would be people who somehow fall beneath them. For example a home owner bossing the house maid, or manager pushing all the work onto the fellow associates, or the common example a good looking Jock bullying a nerd.
These little bits of fun in turn, becomes a habit and a part of your nature – this habit is something that is then in turn is transformed into a terror for others. After a while people generally start becoming submissive, especially if you have an upper hand; and this is what your power becomes.
But as Newton’s Law states – Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
This power gives birth to revenge and the final state – no matter how long it takes; this stage is something that every bully is bound to reach – a place where you feel sorry but you can do nothing about it anymore.
Throughout the ages, a bully creates another one or destroys one. Both the states are not healthy. As someone who has been bullied, you either crush someone’s individuality or create someone who is crushing someone else individuality.
But for this circle to end, the concept of power had to stop being misunderstood. Just because you are my teacher, doesn’t give you the right to poke fun at me or my family; and just because you are the topper of the class doesn’t mean you can be mean to those who struggle with the course, just because you are my superior doesn’t give you the right to treat me with less dignity – Bullies are in every person; it is all about how you learn to curb it.
Author Bio: Trisha is a professional writer and adviser on education and career. She is an ardent reader, a traveler and a passionate photographer. She wants to explore the world and write about whatever comes across her way.