First of all, let’s not undermine physical pain by saying that emotional pain is stronger, everyone knows you can’t always control how you feel, but what you can control… is how to react to these feelings.
Let’s go back to the start:
Have you lost something or someone important to you?
Have you been let down by someone you trusted?
Have you been abused or mistreated?
Are you trapped in a situation where you’re powerless? Have you been manipulated or taken advantage of?
Has it all led you to see a side of the world which you hate?
And now…do you feel bitter and wronged? Drained and exhausted? Do you think you’re scarred for life and are only seeking an escape?
First of all, take a day off, to Mourn
One day of grief, that’s all you get; only one day to sulk, mope, wallow and cry. Then you have to pick yourself up, and move on like a warrior in a battlefield… after that; you have to let go, and start over.
This is not a trick, nothing’s easy and this plan is not a magical solution to suddenly lift you up and make all your problems vanish; it’s a way to help you have a life, instead of a continuous grieving period. We want to inspire you by an amazing story of how someone learned to channel their bad experiences into a positive outcome, and we want to pump you up and encourage you; but first it has to come from within. You have to be willing to make the effort to heal, and be prepared to look past your suffering; with an unbiased eye, in order to think clearly.
So at the end of your day, you’re going to make a plan. A plan for the upcoming period; after the grieving, and here’s what you need to set straight: You have to learn, and adapt yourself to becoming stronger then the pain; until you can finally control and channel it towards your vent of choice.
You’re going to wear your pain as a crown of will and determination; and we promise you will reach a point where you’ll be proud of it, because it has made you a better person. And whenever you feel beaten down again, you will get one day where you’re allowed to succumb to the ache and after that you’ll be back on track.
The One Day plan:
1- Seek a support system
You might not think that you need anyone, but you have no idea how much having someone to talk to could help you; even the mere presence of someone who’s not associated with your problems is enough to back you up.(just make sure you don’t lash out at them).
2- Instant gratification is ok:
People underestimate the power of minor pleasures; a bar of really good chocolate, an amazing Adele song, a midnight swim under the moonlight. Savor these moments of simple satisfaction, which may not have the power to switch your life around, but they’re sure to help you out. Don’t go over the top (you don’t want to resort to food for comfort, or catch pneumonia because you live in Alaska and decided to go for a swim in January); but the point is NOT TO LET THE PROBLEM CONSUME YOU! -To be able amidst your distress, to still find joy even if it’s for a while.
3- Think ahead:
No matter how dark and dreary the present may seem, there’s always a future to look up to. You can’t judge a book by the first few pages; and you really do have a whole lot of years in front of you. You might not be able to control your present, but you sure as hell can have a hand in your future; if you’re smart enough with your choices. Always think of the long-run, and keep your eyes on the prize. Believe it or not, the universe hasn’t chosen to conspire against you; so if you pay your dues, it will pay off. Maybe not now, maybe not for a few years; but soon enough…you’ll get there.
Devise a survival tactic for the next few days; the storm inside of you will have calmed down by then, you just need something to get you through the time being. How are you going to separate your emotions from your judgment? How are you going to deal with everyday inconveniences while you’re going through what you’re going through? Consolidate your strength.
5-DON’T sink into self pity, and dwell on how lousy you’ve got it going
If you choose to focus on your misfortunes, soon enough it overwhelms you up to the point of defining you. If you surrender to becoming a sad person, then you’ll become a morbidly sad person!
6- Momentary lapses:
know that it’s ok to occasionally fall of the wagon that day; you’re not superman and no one expects you to be so. So sometimes you might need to have a melt-down, and that’s not unhealthy; so long as you acknowledge that you’re just letting it all out, and you’ll be ok. A melt-down doesn’t have to be a setback unless you allow it to; once you’re done “expressing your emotions”, you need to pull yourself together, and pick up where you were.
Some simple facts for you to think of:
-The only time where it’s ok for you to compare your life to that of others; is when you are eighty years old and got nothing else to do but sit on the porch.
Don’t fall into jealousy, which has a knack of turning into resentment and then bitterness; all while taking you nowhere and eating you up inside.
There’s a reason Envy’s one of the seven deadly sins. You’re only seeing the tip of the iceberg. Exclude yourself from any situation where you’d end up feeling lousy about yourself, and focus on what makes you feel good.
Now that you’ve had your day- A hall pass to do whatever; shout and scream (just make sure it’s not directed at anyone, cry and binge, moping around in your PJs’ and not showering. It’s time to muster up your strength…and move on.
No more crankiness or complaining, and no more sulking in despair; you’ve already had your revenge on the world, so now it’s time to be mature about it, and deal with it.