Spousal Abuse : Do Not Make Excuses, Make Plans.
After the vows are said, and the papers are signed, there is much hope for the future of the new bride and groom. Sometimes though, the same person you vow to spend your life with can be turn into a bully and life becomes dark and hopeless. Abusive behavior is not a normal part of marriage, and should be stopped as soon as possible. Even if you have been in an abusive relationship for a long time, it is never too late to get out and get help. If you are not sure of your first step, according to the National Abuse Hotline (1-800-799-7233), you should surround yourself with peers and cut of contact with abuser.
- Cutting Words (verbal abuse is abuse too).
- High expectations, that are impossible to fulfill.
- Treatment like an employee or servant.
- Keeping you isolated from family and friends.
- Pinching, hitting, slapping, punching, or any physical touch that is painful.
- Rape (Sex, even within marriage should be consensual between both partners).
- Physical restraint of another person.
- Anything that takes away your basic human liberties.
Denial Is Common When Dealing With Spousal Abuse
Denial is typically the first stage that a victim of spousal abuse goes through. This is because no one wants to believe that their loved one could be cruel to them. Excuses will be made for the abuser such as:
- “It was just this one time.”
- “He/she really loves me, they are just having a bad day.”
- “I should not have instigated him/her.”
- “I drive him/her crazy.”
- “I was raised differently, it is a cultural thing.”
- “I will try harder.”
These excuses are just excuses, and they should not be justified with belief. It is perfectly natural to try to justify the abuser’s bad behavior, after all you love him/her. But do yourself, and the person you love a favor, and stop the cycle of abuse before it is passed along. If you do not let the abuser treat you bad, by removing yourself from the situation, you are putting value in both yourself and the person you love.
That sounds odd does it not? The idea that you are showing you value the abuser by not allowing the abuse. However, there is solid logic behind it; the abuser is also harmed by the bad treatment. You leaving is making a clear statement that the behavior is horrible, and it will likely serve as an eye opener and the first stage of them getting the help they need to become a better person.
Spousal Abuse : Admit There is a Problem, Then Get Help
The first step to getting help is admitting there is a problem. Denial will not make the problem go away. The abuser will not just suddenly start treating you right unless you make it clear that that his/her action is unacceptable behavior. Making the choice to leave is a huge one, but it is the right one if you are being abused. A good way to cross the line from victim is to confess the abuse to someone who will hold you accountable and help you leave. Once a friend or neighbor knows about the situation, you are safer and will feel stronger knowing that there is someone on your side. There are help lines you can call to begin the process of gaining your independence and self respect back. 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) is the number to contact Helpguide.org. If you will need a place to stay, Woman’s Law.org offers resources by state. Do not lose momentum, leaving is scary especially if you have had someone telling you that you are not good enough, or beating you for a long time. After that first step though, the fear will slowly start to diminish and your confidence will grow.
Domestic Abuse can happen to anyone, the rich, middle class, and poor all experience domestic abuse. Domestic abuse can occur in same sex relationships, because no one is immune. Bullies exist everywhere, and it is important that the victim not feel shame for someone else’s bad behavior.
Every single person deserves to be treated with respect, to have freedoms afforded to adults, and not live in fear of the next episode. Even if you have been told for years by the person you vowed to love and trust that you are not important, you have the same rights and value as every other person on this planet.
Do not stay in a bad situation because you are afraid. Do not hold an abusive marriage together “because of the children”, if there are children involved then the reasons for leaving multiply because you do not want the cycle of abusive behavior to continue with a new generation. Stop the cycle today.