There are plenty of articles about bullies, their psychology, the effects of bullying and life afterwards. However, when it comes down it, what people often need when faced with a bully are good techniques on how to get rid of a bully problem altogether. The one thing that makes a bully powerful is fear. The victim gets stuck in his or her tracks in fear, and the bully takes advantage of this condition to do his damage. So clearly steps or techniques on how to stop as well as how to get rid of bullies are probably the most valuable advice once can find for the matter.
Unfortunately, there’s not quick magic pill or classic good comebacks for bullies that solve every bully problem there is. This is because bullies are people as well, and the circumstances that give them power varies from situation to situation. For example, some bullies find power in numbers with a gang, other gain their leverage with embarrassing information, still others use age and/or physical size as their advantage, and many use anonymity to attack from a distance.One method of how to get rid of a bully is not going to address all of these situations equally. This is where school policies of zero tolerance tend to stumble.
Statistics to Help You Learn How to Get Rid of Bullies
With almost 30 percent of kids realizing some kind of bullying experience in their school life, bullying is a real problem that needs solutions for kids and parents everywhere. The first big step in how to get rid of a bully is not to dismiss the issue when it begins to manifest. Bullying and being a victim of it is not a rite of passage. This age old mistake has allowed more kids to suffer than any other mistake about bullying over decades. Bullying has often been chalked up to “kids being kids,” which is a dismissal of the problem and a conscious ignoring of its presence. School administrators are also guilty of this position, trying to standardize kid management versus increasing their workload with case-by-case responses.
Second, bullying needs to be clearly identified. Not every child conflict is due to bullying. The child who seems to be the brunt of an issue one day may be the instigator the next day, which is common in the lower grade levels. Bullying is far more directed and persistent. It has distinct qualities that make the behavior stand out:
- Repetitive Tormenting – the bully goes at the victim again and again in a chronic pattern, oftentimes daily, creating a stress level of fear in the victim. Good comebacks for bullies don’t seem to work in singular instances.
- Unwanted Teasing – the victim is not part of any game or playing where the teasing goes back and forth. Instead, the victim is a persistent target of increasing attacks.
- Power Imbalance – there is a clear unequal balance of power between the victim and the bully. This is usually in the form of physical size, numbers on the side of the bully, or knowledge of embarrassing information the victim wants kept confidential or a combination.
- Growing Fear – the victim has a genuine fear of the bully and the next attack to the point that the victim doesn’t want to be in the same environment for any reason.
The third step is to document everything that has occurred, from the bully event itself and related details to discussions with school officials and teachers. This is critical because dealing with bullying is often an emotional issue for many parties involved. School officials as well as the police often dismiss personal anecdotes because they can’t be used objectively in follow up reviews and discipline decisions. However, when a pattern of behavior is documented and can be verified independently, that’s another matter entirely.
Documentation means taking down notes of dates, times and all the details if each transaction. That includes emails, social media website snapshots if applicable, photographs, and even voice recordings (some bullies are dumb enough to leave voicemails on phones). When the entire documentation package is put together right it becomes very hard to dismiss or ignore. This is one of the key elements in how to get rid of a bully. Officials as well as the police are then obligated to take action or their own job can be on the line for not responding properly. Journals are a great tool for keeping dates, printouts and information organized in a sequential manner.
Next, the child should be told in very clear, non-confusing terms that it is okay to report when he or she is being bullied. Just having a couple of good comebacks for bullies is rarely enough. A majority of children believe that if they complain too many times, they will be labeled a tattle-tail and ignored by teachers, particularly young children. This then covers up bullying when it occurs as the child feels he or she has no one to go to. That makes the taunting even worse because the child then feels completely defenseless. Bullying is not their fault, and the victim children need to hear this from both schools officials and their parents.
Final Notes on How to Get Rid of Bullies
Finally, do not take on the bully child yourself. As much as you want to as a parent, it’s a mistake. Not only are you losing control of the situation as a parent doing so, it can get you into a whole lot of legal hot water being aggressive towards someone else’s child. Instead, a parent’s focus needs to be on apply heavy pressure on teachers, administrators and even the police to do their job when bullying is out of hand and clearly supported by a pattern of evidence. Don’t settle for the first line teacher of officer either who might dismiss the matter. Go to the manager or supervising officer. They often have far more experience and can see matters far deeper than a rookie teacher or officer can having handled similar cases themselves in the past.