Bullying stems from the desire to spew hatred onto a person who is innocently going about their business and have done absolutely nothing to warrant an attack. Victims often unknowingly project to bullies that they will make a nice victim, ironically, because of their peace and kindness. Bullies who spew hatred despise kindness and peace because they feel it is so out of reach for them.
Bullies do not target victims who are hateful or arrogant, because bullies don’t really want to fight. They want to victimize. They want to see their victim cower. They feel if they see this, it might make them laugh; it might make them feel good, because they are so black with hatred inside—probably hatred of their own lives.
Bullies want to feel loved. They probably did feel love at some point in their lives. They feel it is out of their reach for good now, so they are going to make up for it with hatred, which to them may seem a lot more fun due to the charge–however temporary–they can get from it.
Pack bullies will press on until their victim cries so that they can laugh and howl as a pack, but you can rest assured their hearts are not happy. They are only in a bully pack because they don’t know how else to release their hatred—either for themselves or for another person or person who have caused their inner turmoil.
Because of social media’s constant feeding of hate crimes, hatred videos, bullying images that depict hatred of men and hatred of women, anyone and everyone can be a target for a bully walking around with pent-up hatred he needs to unleash.
If a bully is social media inclined, he may not be beyond capturing his victories with media in order to post, show off and humiliate his victim. Why? Because hate rates with bullies and bully packs. It’s a one-up game in the social media landscape. It’s not about fighting. It’s about blind siding and embarrassing their victims.
A social media bully may recruit follower and relish in his quests, but later in life, he will have these to look back on as he hangs his own head in embarrassment–or perhaps while a judge poses a sentence.
Bullies are empty inside.
Most of the time a bully doesn’t expect a response from his victim. A bully is acting out of a need to release. Like a pressure cooker, he will continue to push the valve whether the victim squeals or not.
Many bullies come from homes where the parent or parents are bullies. They may be verbally abused and unable to cope. As a result, they seek others to absorb their hatred for their situation or maybe even hatred for their own bullying parents.
A bully’s own life has no meaning without hatred.
Face the bully.
If the victim runs, the bully will give chase. A bully should be handled without fear and definitely without cowering. Generally, a bully will back off if you let him know you are not afraid. Standing firm (not aggressively) without budging or showing any fear will dissuade a bully much of the time.
A victim might also try these quick responses to the relentless bully who is not going to stop spewing his hatred until he gets some kind of reaction:
- I am sorry you are not loved. How can I help you?
- Your words and actions do not bother me.
- Can I assist you in learning kindness?
- You seem like you would be a nice person if you weren’t a bully.
- Hate isn’t good for your heart.
Granted, these words will not work every time, but they are the first tools which should be used.
Don’t let the bully have the upper hand.
If the bullying is severe, do not think of it as child’s play. Bullying is a crime. Many parents think it’s a school or home matter that can be handled privately, but hate crimes are against the law.
Don’t hide your head in the sand. Don’t go another route to school or stay hidden away in your home.
If the hatred-spewing bully is increasing his attacks, do not let it grow. Once you see that this bully is out for maximum damage (probably because he is greatly damaged by hatred and/or self hatred), then call the police and file a complaint.
Remove your child from school until the matter is solved. Do not wait for the school to handle it.
If the matter isn’t moving fast enough, write your local paper. Call the city desk. Call the editor.
Bullying has reached epidemic proportions because we have allowed it to.
Stop bullying now, if not with kindness than with lawful action. Bullies need to know that hatred will not be tolerated in the form of bullying. They can learn it now while they are in their early stages, or later when they are in prison with bigger, nastier bullies who will not make for ideal victims.
Talking to your bullied child about self hatred:
In a world filled with love, hatred is ever present. Consequently, where there is hatred, love seems to lose its meaning and affect, especially to a young adult who has been bullied, is depressed and is spiraling toward the insidious world of self hatred.
Below are some things you may hear from a child who is being bullied:
- I hate school!
- I hate so-an-so.
- I wish I was never born.
- I want to hurt myself.
- I want to kill so-and-so.
- I want to kill myself.
- I wish I was dead!
- I hate you!
- I hate everyone!
When talking about hatred, ask your child for his hatred definition. If your child is unable to define hate, this is a good opportunity for conversation. As a parent, you can pull up your dictionary and review each hatred synonym with your child.
Make sure your child understands the meaning of loathing, revulsion and disgust. After this vocabulary lesson, ask your child again if he hates someone. This will give you a good idea of where you child is on the scale of hatred. He may explode in the affirmative and cry helplessly, but chances are you will be met with only the tears that are fueled by the growing self hatred planted by bullying.
If you’ve taught your child that it is better to love than to hate, better to be kind than to inflict pain and emotional harm on others, talking about hatred as a real substance in the bullying situation will affirm to your child that he is worthy of love, and that the hatred is coming in from a bully desperately in need of love.
Talking about the bully who is taunting your child can be a healing conversation, if you ask the following questions:
- Why do you think the bully hates you?
- Could it be that the bully simply hates himself?
- Why do you think the bully hates himself?
- What do you think is the best response to hate?
You might also remind your bullied child of the following:
- No amount of hatred can touch the love in your heart.
- You cannot be brought down by hatred.
- Love conquers hate.
- If you feed hatred, it will grow.
Talking to a bully about hatred
“Define hate,” we ask our kids when they say, “I hate you!” Often, they cannot answer and this will prompt an introspective silence.
If you are a parent or a teacher in the unique position of speaking one-one-one with a known bully, ask him, “What is your hate definition?”
Undergo the exercise using a dictionary or thesaurus and have the bully use each alternative word in a sentence.
Afterwards thoroughly discussing hate and hatred synonyms, , look up the word love. Talk about devotion and adoration and ask the bully specifically:
- Whom to you feel devoted to?
- Who to you adore?
- Have you felt love in your heart?
- What happened to the love in your heart?
- What needs to happen in your life for you to feel love again?
- How can I help you love yourself and others?
Are you the parent of a child spewing hatred?
Children learn hate. They learn it from the media, movies, each other and yes–at home.
What kind of environment does your hatred-filled child live in? Do you fight with your spouse or other family members, shouting hateful things to each other within ear shot of your child?
Are you a vengeful person who is always out to one-up the hateful act of another person in your life?
You best inspect your own principals and paradigms if you expect to help your child who is displaying signs of hatred and bullying.
If you have raised your child to show love and respect, yet he is becoming a bully, it’s time to get your child some counseling. Sometimes, bullies will confess problems to a counselor that he will not tell his parents. Perhaps he has fallen victim to a situation that has caused hatred to well up in him and he knows of no other release than to pick on others and make them feel the same hatred he has been made to feel.
Some inspirational hatred quotes to remember
- Let no man pull you so low as to hate him. – Martin Luther King Jr.
- Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. – Proverbs 10:12
- Hate has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet. – Maya Angelou
- In time we hate that which we often fear. – William Shakespeare
- Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. – Martin Luther King Jr.
- Hate the sin, love the sinner. – Mahatma Gandhi
Solve hatred together.
It is a sad reality that hatred sprawls across the surface of our world like a disease, causing our young people to become bullies or victims of bullying.
Define hatred for your kids and your students so that you can discuss hatred together. Hatred exists and will continue to exist, but we can control its prominence, and we an redirect hatred.
If you believe in God and feel that God is a reasonable point of entry into discussing hatred with a bully or a victim of bullying over which you have the responsibility of supervising or parenting, God is a simple and honest place to start.
Beyond religion, taking a stance that kindness can spread across the surface of our world just as prolifically as hatred can might sway some bullies or would-be bullies to inspect their sources of hatred, and perhaps use their energy toward fighting transforming hatred into love, for whatever reasons you can come up with–together.