In Facts of Life (Trivia), Teens

Funny Comebacks: The Good, the Bad and the Best!

Funny Comebacks

What is it about a good laugh that makes us feel like a million bucks? Is it the person who tells it, the picture we view in our minds, or the punch line itself? Scientific studies have shown that comedy, jokes and a laid back, cheerful atmosphere all contribute in to good health at home or in the hospital. In short, laughter is a medicine! Explore this list of funny comebacks!

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Humour, comedy, funny insults and comebacks have been the vehicle for announcements, emotional outlets, sarcasm, and just plain good fun for thousands of years. Even the Ancient Greeks used comedy to satirise the politics of the day!

Often, in stand-up comedy, people in the audience will try to make comebacks to the comedian’s jokes, even if they haven’t been invited to do so. These people are known in the industry as hecklers. Hecklers do this for several reasons:

While this is a disrespectful thing to do at a comedy show, there are all sorts of situations in life where comebacks are appropriate. A comeback can be saucy, mild, or funny. They are often used as a vent for a person’s pent-up emotions.


Good Comebacks – The Family Get-together

You’re at your father-in-laws house for a family get-together and everything is going fine. You have just had your third helping of lasagne and are about to sit down when your father in law says:

“If you keep that up, I’ll have a whale for a daughter-in-law!”

The group of men guffaw loudly and the joke and you feel disheartened. The good comeback in this situation might be:

“I can lose weight, but there’s nothing you can do about your ageing.”


The Best Comebacks – On the Job

Over all, the best comebacks are spontaneous ones.

Imagine eight people are sitting in a boardroom – ‘bored’ stiff as the wooden table at which they sit. One employee politely suggests an idea to boost product sales. Another employee shoots the idea down:

“The very definition of uninspiring and tedious!”

To save the situation and hurt feelings, quick-as-a-flash a third employee comes back with:

“That is the correct answer. The question: ‘What do you call eight people meet in this board room every Tuesday?’ “

The situation has been deescalated. Add in a wink to the boss and everything is fine.


Funny Comebacks

Some people are just natural born comedians. You know, the sorts of people who are always ready with a swift retort, witty remark or funny comeback. People like this will tend to deal with all sorts of situations with their comedic gift. However, funny comebacks are often a fortification against a veiled insult. In any case, it is an indirect way of getting someone back.

‘It’s people like you who make the Internet all but impossible to trust.’

In Internet terminology the text above could be considered a burn. Even though burn is another word for insult, it has a slightly different slant to regular insults. Using burns, rather than insults, suggests a degree of lightness and humour in the exchange. None the less, burns can sometimes be far worse than a regular insult.

Throughout life we will encounter comebacks in many forms: The good, the bad and even the ugly. Some people will constantly bully others in a passive form with verbal abuse. They may be too cowardly to come right out and say directly how they feel, so they make rude comments or use sarcasm in a mean way. Sarcasm is hard to pin down, but if you’re observant and it happens often enough you’re pretty sure to catch on. An example of sarcasm is telling someone they’re sharp as a tack today when, actually, they’ve done something really idiotic.

Verbal bullying or a well-intended joke? Where do you draw the line?


Funny Insults Comebacks

No one likes his or her best efforts belittled – even in a joking manner. Imagine you’ve been invited to a book-signing event by an author for his new book and someone says to the author:

‘By the way, I’ve read your book. From the moment I picked it up to the moment I set it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend to read it.’

Even if it were a joke and not an intentional insult it’s easy to understand that this might offended the author. However, rather than crying or blowing their top, the author might try to play the critic at their own game, saying something like:

‘Great! 100 years from now you can read it to celebrate finally becoming literate!’

According to their reaction you’ll know whether it was a joke or a burn.

Why is it that some people belittle others to get attention? They feel too inferior to act normal – that’s why. When someone does this the best thing to do is give a funny comeback. It will soften the blow of the insult while putting them in their place.


Funny Comebacks to Say

The hit: ‘This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.’

The return: ‘Since you founded the village that would make you the king of idiots wouldn’t it?’

The hit: ‘Thank you for not annoying me any more than you do.’

The return: ‘I learned from the best; I learned from you.’

The hit: ‘I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?’

The return: ‘The same way you did.’


Mean Comebacks in School

So ‘Joe Grimes’ has been at you for an entire week now, and for the entire week you decided to ignore him. You’re having a conversation with a friend, telling him about how a teacher commended you. Joe rudely pops in with:

‘So, I guess this means you own the place now.’

Your reply:

‘It took you long enough to figure it out.’

He doesn’t give up and says:

‘I don’t respond to your species.’

You don’t give up either:

‘The brain shortage on your planet must be massive!’

Unfortunately, good funny comebacks don’t always come to us right away. If we still remember the insult, or are insulted by the same person again, we can ‘store up’ a comeback for a later date. Just remember to keep it fresh with your tone of voice and body language.

Not all comebacks come in the form of protection from insults. Some are just funny things you can share with your friends when they come your way. Sometimes people take a normal incident and spice it up by putting it into joke form. It may be an embellishment of the truth, but it happens – that’s what makes the world go around.

Some of the really funny comebacks you will hear are from little kids. They don’t care what they say to each other or how irrelevant it is; their only concern is that it hits hard! The remarks can go on, back and forth for hours before they call it quits, and their little imaginations are limitless. The worst thing that can happen is for them to be interrupted by a narrow-minded grownup with less imagination than them!

Learn how to stand up to a witty-mouthed bully!

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