My Child is an Egotistical Bully, What Do I do?
When a parent is faced with the grim truth that their own offspring is a bully, this can be hard to digest. However, there is still time to remedy the situation if parents are willing to go the distance.
There are times when a child singles out another person, for whatever reason, and “picks on” them. If this behavior is not squelched, it may spiral into a very big problem. Parents may not know this is happening until the school or other parents contact them. It is not too late to intervene and change the course of a bully’s path.
In some cases, parents may realize their child is an egotist and will have to honestly evaluate the situation before they can fix it; a family may require professional assistance for the best results.
Who is an Egotist?
Many people define egotistical behavior as an inflated ego or think of it as false pride. When in truth, an egotist is someone with narcissistic tendencies. This person is driven to satisfy his own needs and often lacks empathy for others. Egotism is the behavior of someone who dwells within a bubble of their own self importance.
Why does an Egotistical Child often bully others?
When someone perceives themselves as superior to others they may feel a sense of entitlement. When a child thinks he should get whatever he wants, he may begin manipulating those around him to obtain his goals.
A child may witness his own parents bullying or manipulating others to get their way; a young person may learn this behavior from his first role models. When a child learns to coerce others to get whatever they wish, they may feel superior in intelligence and status. This is especially true when a child can manipulate the adults around him. In this arena, he may feel contempt for others and assume that he is “above” his peers.
The problem becomes a much bigger issue when there are one or more adult bullies in a family. When adults teach that in order to accomplish their goals they must control others, including their family members, a child is bound to suffer. These children will need special counseling because the problem lies deep with a child’s psyche. His behavior is deemed “wrong” while his family has taught him these egotistical ways are best.
Parent of a Bully
How can a parent help their child when they discover that he is a bully? If a parent is not a bully themselves there is action they can take. When parents invest themselves with the below steps, they may retrain a child. This will take time but consistent and positive teaching will develop new pattern of behavior.
- Establish rules of acceptable behavior and enforce consequences.
- Discuss how it might feel to be a victim of bullying; this will teach empathy.
- Know the friends, spend time with them, and know the activities of your child.
- Be in charge; take responsibility for cell phone and screen time usage; know what communication is happening between your child and others; set limits.
- Praise good behavior and accomplishments.
- Encourage kindness and empathy when witnessed between friends or siblings.
- If struggling at school, work with teachers and get the help needed.
- If anger management is an issue, obtain help for this behavior.
- Reward all behavior that is positive.
- If bullying remains a problem after implementing these steps, seek further help to find the root of the cause. Counseling may prove beneficial in situations where a parent needs assistance.
When a parent becomes involved in their child’s life, there is a smaller chance of negative social behaviors. Inviting friends over for dinner, chaperoning activities, and having open and honest conversations about their daily lives will enhance their worth as well as provide the parent with a full picture of their child’s social scene.
The egotistical definition is known as self serving. When someone is ruled by their own ego, they do not consider others; only in as far as they can serve some purpose for their own gain. When a child has developed this pattern of behavior it is imperative that he receive intervention of some sort.
To continue on this path, he will become a narcissist (a person who lacks empathy and who is manipulative and self serving) and will have trouble with any personal relationships. Most times if discovered young, these selfish traits can be reversed through positive reinforcement. Families must be devoted to the cause and be consistent in their efforts.
A bully can be born from abusive or neglectful behavior at home, or a bully can be the product of good parenting but abusive or neglectful behavior from his peers.
Sometimes a good kid becomes a bully as a matter of survival. There are times when a child is victimized and to ward off his own feelings of inadequacy he will bully and intimidate another person. This can be a way to regain his power or even befriend the child who has been bullying him. However, the victim now becomes the bully in someone else’s life. Support should be provided to all children involved.
One or more counseling sessions may be required to get to the heart of bully behaviors. Open discussion and positive reinforcement can make a world of difference for this child and those involved. Behavior that is detrimental or abusive to another person must not be tolerated. It is up to parents to teach right from wrong, and good from bad. Society has laws, standards, and the church encourages living with moral values. Behaving badly towards another person should not be tolerated.
In addition to parents, help may be derived from school counselors, psychologists, and the church. Bullying is a behavioral problem that is recognized across the globe. With social media being used as a tool to intimidate and insult others, the problems have become widely known.
In today’s society, social media is proving to be a giant player in the world of bullying. With technology, a bully can belittle or victimize another person virtually. Through texting, posting photos, using web pages and video, a bully may use multiple mediums to inflict harm other than with their physical presence.
Some children have suffered catastrophic results from being bullied and society is stepping up to help those in need. Our children are worth all that we can do to build them in their confidence and abilities. No person should be allowed to tear another person down or inflict physical harm. There is true support available to families in need of counseling or therapy.
A Trusting Environment
One of the biggest influences in a person’s life is family. When family can offer a trusting environment this promises to help with cancelling out anxious and angry feelings. When parents can provide a listening ear without judgment they give acceptance to their child; a safe place to land.
When a parent disapproves of anything the child says, they should not intervene but hear the child out first. Let the child finish speaking and sharing his thoughts before he is condemned for them. This is the perfect opportunity to share your own opinions and experiences and most importantly, your love, compassion, and guidance. This is a time for conversation and a child will feel valued when they feel heard and accepted.
All is Well
With the support of family, school and professionals, even the most problematic bully situations can be remedied. Parents must honestly evaluate their family life and their interpersonal relationships. Parents must fully commit to their responsibilities and enjoy their children while reinforcing their positive behaviors. When all parties involved have the best interest of the child in mind, the future should be positive.