In Bullying Victims, How-To

Choosing to Move on from Bullying Trauma- Part II

Words Do Matter What We Can Learn from One Victim's Death

Another thing that choice theory can teach the victim of bullying is that one should not see himself based on other people’s perspective of him. A victim of bullying is often someone who lacks confidence in himself thus one reason why he becomes a target of bullies. While, it is true that acceptance, praise and affirmation from others can contribute to how one would see one’s self, the victim has to understand that these are not entirely the basis of how he should value himself. In reality, the things we hear from other people, are just information other people have about us, and we do not have control over these information. On the other hand, what we can control is how we deal with such things. The victim then, who may see himself as invaluable because that’s how others see him, may treat such information as a challenge to his being and thus do something instead to change such perspective. Teach others on how to move on beyond the bullying trauma. 

The things previously said point to how someone who opts for choice theory can help the victim of bullying trauma .  They describe the role of the other person towards the one who has been bullied. Although the points mentioned clearly define how the person wanting to help the victim should function, they have not described how the person should be – in mind and action, when he deals with the victim.

The person who wants to help out should exhibit some certain qualities that portray positive things to the victim. This is of course necessary because the victim will not listen at all to someone who wants to help him if that someone is negative as well.

One of the qualities that the person helping the victim should have should be optimism. When he is optimistic, he will be able to foster a belief of change in the victims. He will also be able to encourage the victim to trust people and have hope at the same time. The belief that change is possible, trust and hope will help the victim deal more effectively with his situation. This is because the victim would learn that not all people will bully him and that something can be done to prevent encountering bullies again. Another quality that the other person should have is the ability to see things in perspectives that are opposite the current ones. This quality will enable the other person help the victim see his problems in solvable terms and reframe his present situation. If this happens, the other person and the victim will in the long run arrive at some solutions that can make the victim’s recovery easier to achieve.

In addition to the said traits, the person who wants to help the victim should be someone who does not offer good things to take control of the victim. Offering rewards so as he can make the victim dependent on him will just worsen the situation. In some ways, this characteristic would imply that the other person himself is more or less bullying the victim too. If he does this then the message he’s imparting to the victim is that external control is good. This is of course wrong because choice theory again emphasizes internal control of things. Should there be differences in the other person and the bullying trauma victim’s thoughts, the one offering help to the victim must be able to negotiate things with the victim. The victim of the bullying trauma is not expected to be able to instantly change his opinion of things thus the other person should understand that it is he who has to initiate the negotiations. Still, he has to wait for the victim to make a decision of his own to handle the changes differently. He should not force the victim to adjust to things right away.

This is how choice theory can help the victim of bullying trauma cope up and move on from his experiences and a lot has been said on how it can pave way for the victim’s recovery. In one sentence though, the whole theory,  simply underscores the idea that the victim is a victim because he  chooses to be one but he has the capacity to choose to become a survivor instead and heal from whatever is emotionally and mentally ailing him.

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