In Abuse, Relationships

Relationships 101: Are You with an Abusive Husband?

Abusive Husband

Are You with an Abusive Husband?

Many people are surprised to find out what abuse entails. Abuse can be defined as treating a person or an animal cruelly on a regular basis. Cruel and violent treatment to a person or animal is abuse.

A lot of people are under the impression that abuse only falls into the physical category, such as fighting, but that is only one form of abuse. Other forms of abuse include:

  • Emotional/Verbal
  • Stalking
  • Financial
  • Physical
  • Sexual
  • Digital

Emotional/Verbal Abuse: Emotional/verbal abuse involves instances that are not physical but still harmful and hurtful, such as humiliation, insults, isolation, threats, and intimidation.

Stalking: Stalking involves a person being constantly watched, observed from a distance, harassed, and followed.

Financial Abuse: Financial abuse involves a person using money or accounts to gain control or power over their spouse.

Physical Abuse: Physical abuse involves physical force with the intention of causing harm or injury, such as kicking, biting, and hitting.

Sexual Abuse: Sexual abuse involves a person’s ability and control over their sexual activities. In this form of abuse, the use of birth control and condoms may be restricted.

Digital Abuse: Digital abuse involves the use of technology, such as computers and cell phones to bully a person, harass them or stalk them.

Identifying the Problem

There are 10 signs that you can look for that will help you determine if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship. Regardless of how strong or smart you may think a person is, anyone can become the victim of an abusive relationship.

1. Isolation: If you are not allowed to socialize with friends and family or others, this is a form of isolation. Spouses that are emotionally abusive want to keep you to themselves so you will dependent and only rely on them.

2. Verbally Abusive: Verbal abuse is a common sign of an abusive relationship. If your husband is calling you derogatory names and insulting you, he is being verbally abusive. Spouses who are verbally abusive want to hurt you intentionally to keep you in line and kill your self-esteem.

3. Blaming Others: You may notice that your spouse blames you or others for their mistakes. In many relationships, regardless of what happens, you or someone else will always be the cause and be blamed.

4. The Use of Drugs and Alcohol: The combination of alcohol and drug use are never a good thing, especially when relationships are involved. It is a fact that not all abusers have an addiction to alcohol or drugs, but many of them do, and any addiction can lead to spare-the-moment decisions and erratic behavior.

5. Installing Fear: Many people have phobias, but your spouse should not be one of them. If you fear your partner or are uncomfortable around them, this is a sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship.

6. Punishment: As a child, your parents probably punished you for disobeying the rules, but punishment should never come from your spouse. In an abusive relationship, your spouse may punish you for leaving the home or spending time with others.

7. Being His Servant: As a woman, you may prefer to wash the dishes and clothes, and keep the house organized, but you should never feel like you have to do these things or feel like you are a servant. An abusive husband will have the mind set that they should be treated like royalty and waited upon hand and foot.

8. Jealousy: Some spouses are jealous, and a little jealousy is healthy, but when you are in an abusive relationship, jealousy becomes a primary issue. In an abusive relationship, jealousy fuels rage and other negative feelings and emotions.

9. Controlling Your Emotions: Everyone has emotions and they should never be controlled. An abusive husband will try to gain control over you through your emotions. An abusive husband is a manipulator who may punish you emotionally for having your own ideas and thoughts.

10. Making Things Physical: Physical abuse is never acceptable. If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, things can get worse and the emotionally abusive relationship may become physical.

Getting Out of the Relationship

An abusive husband or an abusive boyfriend will want you to be in a relationship with them forever and have minimum access to the outside world. This should not be accepted or tolerated under any circumstances. It is in your best interest to remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible.

1. Make Yourself Aware: Making yourself aware is the best way to plan to leave. When you are aware of abusive trends, take a look at your relationship and see if there are any similarities.

2. Know the Forms of Abuse: The more knowledge you have, the more aware you will be which is best. There are many different types of abuse. When you are familiar with the different types, you can better access your relationship.

3. Do Not Blame Yourself: Do not place blame on yourself because it is not your fault. Your abusive husband or abusive boyfriend may place the blame on you but only because it is convenient. You are not the blame of your husband or boyfriend being abusive.

4. Little Chance of Change: Regardless of how many times your spouse promises you they will change, a lot of the time, this is just “talk”. Many abusive husbands have no intention of changing, and they will say whatever they feel is necessary to convince you to stay.

5. Access Your Situation: Take a step back and have a good look at your relationship. When you access your situation, weigh the pros and cons, your feelings and emotions, and the outcome of the relationship if you stay.

6. Prepare to Leave: Preparing to leave an abusive relationship is never easy, but it is in your best interest that you leave as soon as possible. Take some time to gather your thoughts and your belongings. Your abusive spouse may not want you to leave or let you leave. In this instance, you may need the help of your family and friends. If you live far away from family and friends, you can notify authorities and inform them of the situation and when you plan on leaving. The police will be there to ensure that you can get all of your belongings out of the home and leave safely.

In this instance, you need to make sure that you have a place to stay. Get as far away from your spouse or boyfriend as soon as possible. The longer you stick around or stay in the same area, more issues can occur and there is an increased chance of you relapsing and your spouse talking you back into the relationship. If you have family or friends that live out of the current state where you reside, it will be in your best interest to ask them if you can live with them during this rough time until you get on your feet. The further you are away from your abusive husband or abusive boyfriend, the better off you will be. Mustering up the courage to finally leave is difficult, but when you are ready, you will know, and you will take the steps that are necessary. Do not wait until it is too late.

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